California, Ramblings

Vacation

We are going on vacation and will be gone for two weeks.  I was going to write a whole bunch of posts and have them show up magically each day I’m gone, but life happened and I didn’t have the chance to write any of those posts.

Last night and this morning have, thus far, been filled with my normal worries and stresses.  I worry about getting to the airport on time.  I worry about forgetting really important things at home.  I worry about our flights being cancelled or our arrangements (rental car, lodging, etc.) falling through.  I worry about telling the rental car agency that “no, I don’t want your insurance” and then having them tell me for the fourth time that I really need it.  And today, I worried about our camping equipment (particularly our stove and fuel bottle) not making it through security, despite the time I spent checking regulations and the time Krissy spent cleaning (and re-cleaning) the equipment.

It all should be fine – and it all will be fine (even if we have to throw away our stove) – but there is a part of me that has difficulty letting go.  I have a hard time getting over the worries about forgetting things, things not going as planned, etc.  What’s weird is that I think it has less to do with me being concerned that we have a “perfect vacation” and more to do with my own feelings of worth and value.  I find it easy to beat up on myself a bit if I forget something (which I always do) or if something doesn’t go as planned, I act as if it is my fault and most definitely due to my incompetence and other flaws in my character.  I am not like this in all areas of life, but I am always like this when it comes to traveling.  I don’t know where it stems from; it is just something that is there.

But, I am lucky that my wife is an over the top amazing encouragement for me (as well as a great planner, preparer, and packer).  Her preparation helps me to be better prepared, and that should anything happen, the two of us can navigate most situations together.

Life feels like a big balancing act sometimes, and in this area, she balances me out well.  I am thankful for that, and thankful for vacation.  The last time we spent time away together for most than two nights was three years ago in Door County.   A lot has happened in three years, and I’m excited that we get to spend our third anniversary together on an amazing adventure exploring a beautiful part of the world.

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