Do you ever get the feeling that you are just dressed for the wrong occasion? Or that your clothes just don’t match? Like as hard as you may have tried you just don’t fit in?
I get to feeling like that in life every now and then. And I don’t know what it means or what to do with those feelings.
I have a desperate desire within me to fit in and to be liked. To be loved, even. I think it’s ridiculous how often I feel like, no matter how hard I prepared, I am just “dressed for the wrong occasion”. That who I am just doesn’t jive with who everyone wants me to be. Or who all the people surrounding me are.
This isn’t coming from anything specific that happened today or last week or anything, this is just me frustrated with what I’ve come to realize is an inability (or maybe just a difficulty) to be content with who I am, and who I was made to be. Frustrated with the constant comparison between my self-image and the surrounding culture.
Sometimes I get so sick of trying to “match” with everyone’s expectations that I just want to throw my hands up in the air and stop trying to fit in. Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to have people in my life who know me deeply, and despite that love me deeply.
I am loved…and that is a good feeling. I just need to figure out how to stop forgetting that fact. Maybe someday…
Random PS – I was just looking through my iTunes library, and somehow I have a Bjork album on there. I’ve never listened to, bought, or had any interest in checking out Bjork. What the crap is that about?