(Optimism vs. Faith, Blessing vs. Relief)
Krissy shared the good news on her blog…a job…finally. The last few months have been a roller coaster of emotions.
After months and months of applying, working, preparing, and waiting we hadn’t heard anything. People said that it was normal…that schools often do their outside hiring at the last minute, but it certainly didn’t feel normal. Krissy estimates that she spent at least 100 hours researching and completing applications and letters of interest to upwards of 40 different schools within a couple inches of Pasadena. It didn’t seem right that after all that work “normal” was not hearing anything. But, we waited…
Every once in a while we would ask the big question…what would happen if a job didn’t come through? What would two young people who wanted to remain debt-free do if they didn’t have enough income to pay for an expensive California apartment and all kinds of crazy tuition bills?
Every once in a while we would look at each other, with a tinge of fear in our eyes and voices, and repeat that we could always come back to Madison if things didn’t work out. We could get over the expense of moving and a six month California lease if this wasn’t meant to be. Our prayers became more serious as the move got closer…we were no longer asking for all the pieces of the puzzle to come together…we were asking for a single piece to come into sight…we continued to pray asking if this was even the right decision…the right move…the right place…for us. Instead of just asking for a door to open, we prayed that one would slam in our face if this wasn’t the right thing.
When Krissy called me shouting excitedly that she had gotten a job (I had no expectation that after a phone interview she would be offered a job…I didn’t even know that was allowed!), I think my first feeling was relief that the search was over, rather than a recognition of the blessed answer to prayer that had been granted to us. I think it’s easy for me to miss the blessing amidst the strong feelings of relief. I have a long way to go until I get to a place where I recognize and praise God for the blessings in my life, instead of being surprised and relieved when things go our way.
I would be lying if I said that through this whole process my faith was steadfast and strong. I think it’s easy for me to mistake optimism for faith. I always try to be optimistic, but it is more because I am scared of seriously considering that things might not work out the way I want them to. I have a long way to go until I get to a place where I am carried by my faith in things unseen.
A long way to go…physically, mentally, relationally, and spiritually. An exciting journey ahead…